Home > Sarah Silverman
I am a monkey | 442,934 Fans POPULAR Chance of Friendship: No Way 0.9 Tweets Per Day (TPD) 0% Reply Rate 121.3% Link Posting Location: Tehran, Iran + Map |  @SarahKSilverman Official Site | |
When I have a 5 dollar bill I like to draw an arrow to Lincoln's mole and write, "ew!"
Updated about an hour ago via Permalink
My dog's breath smells like all the farts in the world passed through my grandpa's teeth. True story.
Updated 1 day ago via Permalink
I "ate my feelings" and I think they may have given me diarrhea.
Updated 2 days ago via Permalink
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that fundamentalists of EVERY religion are human garbage.
Updated 3 days ago via Permalink
Dan Sterling's dirty tapes from when he was 10. This is a must: http://dansterling.tumblr.com/
Updated 3 days ago via Permalink
The first thing you see upon entering the whitest cafe on the upper west side. Not awkward AT ALL. http://twitpic.com/112sew
Updated 6 days ago via Permalink
If I were a Jewish man in WWII Germany I'd just lie and say I was "black Irish" with blowjob lips.
Updated 7 days ago via Permalink
Stepped in shit &in a pure dick move threw my sneaks out the car window. Now realize only pair of orthotics were in them. #servesmeright
Updated 8 days ago via Permalink
All girls with fake boobs have dogs named after either liquor or cars.
Updated 9 days ago via Permalink
Hey, Dinks! Here's a TSSP trailer:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3eea0d0a1c/the-sarah-silverman-program-season-3-sneak-peek
Updated 10 days ago via Permalink
You never hear the success stories involving autoerotic asphyxiation.
#unsungheroes
Updated 11 days ago via Permalink
Big sales are really only great if you're a size zero or 14.
Updated 14 days ago via Permalink
Liberals, in general, are more progressive and open minded, whereas conservatives tend to be more closed minded and faggotish.
Updated 16 days ago via Permalink
You guys-- please can we promise to work on our core this year? Please?
Updated 16 days ago via Permalink
This MONDAY - Benefit for HAITI at Largo with: @edwardhelms @azizansari @thomaslennon and me. Don't be a Pube! Call 310-855-0350 4tix
Updated 19 days ago via Permalink
ChelseaVPeretti
RT @ChelseaVPeretti RT @paulrust: Anybody know a good laundromat that can take jizz stains out of a wizard's cape?
Updated 20 days ago via Permalink
The members of the Los Angeles branch of "GOD HATES FAGS" are such rain pussies!
Updated 21 days ago via Permalink
Every month I'm taken by total surprise by my menstrual cycle. Oh yeah -- fuck-- right -- THIS thing again.
Updated 21 days ago via Permalink
I'm so sorry our link keeps getting booted off but it's safe here: http://www.wonderstv.com/93=
Updated 25 days ago via Permalink
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